My life revolves around dad

Aunty Julie,

I am a 62 year old retired civil servant. My husband died many years ago and I live with my father, who is 82. Until he suffered stroke nine months ago, we led a good life together. We went for walks, read, listened to music and shared the household chores. I have no close friends but I enjoy my own company. I love travelling by train and used to do so regularly here and abroad. Although my father has made a good recovery, our lives now consist of shopping and watching television. I do all the house work and I’m too tired for any hobbies. My father and I quarrelled recently and he accused me of being selfish. I have plenty of information about help services but they are not my kind of thing and my father would never countenance them. I cannot see an end to all of this. I just wanted to tell someone how I feel.

Widow, Lagos

Dear Widow,

Try to see it this way. Your father is lucky to have you there looking after him. Sometimes, you need to put yourself first and this is not being selfish. You should continue the train travelling that you love, both here and abroad. So be a little firmer with your father and say that you would like to still do this.

Sometimes, you can arrange for someone to do the cooking, cleaning and shopping while you are away. Don’t see outside help as not your thing, but as something you both need. It’s important that you have your own life.

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