I am the violent one not my husband

DearBunmi,

My husband and I have been together for three years. When I was four months pregnant, I started to call him names and hit him really hard. I thought this would stop when I gave birth to our daughter. Instead it got worse.

Any little thing gets me off and the spitting, kicking and name-calling continues.

Could it be because he only did the traditional wedding without committing himself to a registry in spite of his promise? I might over-do things to the point of his leaving. But I love him so much.

Ize, by e-mail.

 

Dear Ize,

You are right to find your current behaviour bewildering. The hormonal changes that maternity brings don’t end with the baby’s birth. Display of anger and violence are extremely damaging to your happiness as well as that of your husband and child.

You need to see a doctor to help you find balance again. Anger has been seen as an attempt to seem scary in order toward of a perceived threat.

Do you think your husband presents any threat to you? Do you see him or your child as an impediment to your happiness?

Talk through your fears with your man. Anger is controllable. If you know the last leg of your marriage is still on course this may calm your nerves. And next time you feel a rush of anger, simply ask for time out to get out of the house long enough for your anger to subside.

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