Do Whistle Blowers’ Victims Still Have Any’ Friends Left?!

By Bunmi Sofola

No matter what your reaction is to the spate of the public display of soiled linen of some fallen public officials and socialites by the powers-that-be; the fact remains that the victims’ feelings are seldom given any serious thoughts by the public.

What is it like to lose face, not to mention your friends and fortune in such a spectacular manner? Years back, Geoffrey and his wife had a fantastic life with houses in choice areas all over the country and a couple of homes abroad. They held splendid parties and were the toast of soft-sell magazines.

Then things went horribly wrong. Geoffrey was linked to a sophisticated network of drugs and fraud, popularly tagged 419 and the bubble burst. Some of the property were confiscated and went up for sale as he was clamped into prison abroad.  His wife could no longer pay salaries of staff and domestic staff had to go.

Even more bruising, scathing articles in papers that once celebrated the couple recalled Geoffrey’s escapades, portraying him as a dangerous criminal, desperate to belong in the society. His wife was portrayed as a woman of grandeur who drove her husband to crime.

“The reports even went further to label me a pimp and an arms dealer,” recalled Geoffrey. “Yet fighting back was too risky if I had any sort of skeleton in the proverbial cupboard.

“However unfair such media poison may be, turning the other cheek was my wisest approach. A particular businessman I met in prison, who lost almost all when he was accused of mammoth fraud counselled me that in a situation such as I found myself, I should learn how to cope with the downward spiral of disaster and find out who my real friends were, now that I had reached rock bottom. In short, I should be thinking of how to claw my way up from the depths. The challenge, he said, was working out how best to hang on to my mental and emotional equilibrium.

“When I went through the public agonies of defeat, disgrace and jail, I had at the same time to run a gauntlet of agonising private experiences. These include nights of insomnia, bouts of depression, thoughts of suicide, moods of despair, periods of loneliness and a doomed feeling, as if I were trapped in muddy waters. Yet, reality had to be faced. I wouldn’t be where I found myself if I wasn’t guilty of what I went to prison for.

As for my friends, both at home and abroad, I realized that the word ‘friend’ is one of the most imprecise words in the English language. If we are honest about it, most of us are fortunate if we can count our close friends on the fingers of both hands – more likely, on one hand. Of course we have wider circles of affable acquaintances, but the majority melt when the proverbial shit starts hitting the fan.

“I was very lucky – a few of my friends stood by me and their support was far stronger than I had any right to expect. Thanks to these rock-solid friends, my children completed their education and I was frequently visited in prison. And I had some pleasant surprises too – acquaintances I did not know well, or had almost lost touch with, became part of my inner circle of supporters. Only one nasty specimen

of a friend, who I had thought was loyal, dropped me like a hot potato. It was also really saddening to discover that some of the most judgmental journalistic voices who had once been my guests in the days I held lavish parties, now condemned me with glee. This handful of fair-weather free loaders was only out numbered by foul weather loyalists! Naturally, one’s social network changes after a fall from grace.

These days I see fewer old friends and more of my new ones. It’s amazing what you can learn when you are incarcerated. Whilst in prison, the Christian Ministry helped a lot in retaining my sanity”.

“When I see the increasing numbers of victims of the current anti- corruption clamp down, I wonder how many friends they have left. “

Nkoyo’s pride knew no depth when her husband became a top gun in the civil service. A couple of years later, he was far away abroad putting finishing touches to some official projects when his retirement was publicly announced.

“It was a nightmare,” she recalled. “No matter what fancy reasons they give for your husband being kicked in the butt, the humiliation is overwhelming. By the time I got hold of my husband on the phone, a ‘well-meaning’ friend had already gotten in touch with him. He howled on the phone when he heard my voice. I felt really helpless. The only time I saw him cry in 23 years of marriage was when his mother died.

“Most men lose self-esteem when they are fired because they have no place to go in the morning. It is worse for a public figure. Imagine the press hanging on to your every word for months and then one morning, nobody cares except your family facing you at the breakfast table. Somehow, you find it difficult to equate the man you once saw on the news and the newspapers, with the subdued man who’d suddenly had the props knocked from under his feet. After his humiliation, his pride

is all he had to hang on to.  “My husband was in his late 40s when he suddenly found himself redundant. We had to leave government accommodation with frightening speed. But survive; we did as my husband swore he would never hold paid employment again. He started his own business that had nothing to do with contracts and the family is now doing well. Climbing out of the depth takes tenacity

and time. And you need good friends to pull you through for, during the downward-spiral, it is the quality, not the quantity of friendship that counts.”

No More Fun? (Humour)

A young couple are celebrating their first night of marriage together, doing what newly weds do in the dark. In the morning, the groom goes for a shower. “Could you bring me a towel?” He calls to his bride. As she walks into the bathroom, he steps out of the shower, exposing his body to his wife. It’s the first time she’s seen him fully

naked in daylight.

She looks him up and down, then stops and stares. “What’s that?” She asks shyly, pointing to his willy. Embarrassed, he thinks for a moment then replies: “Well, that’s what we had so much fun with last night.” “Really?” she exclaims in amazement. “And is that all we have left?”

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