He’s back to his cheating ways

Dear Bunmi,

I am a single mother of a six-year-old I had when I was with her dad for four years. I recently found out that he was unfaithful to me with the woman he cheated on to be with me and may be the father of her child.

Since I confronted him, he’s become really cagey. When he visits our daughter there’s a bad atmosphere, as if I accused him wrongly. I know that my daughter needs to have a relationship with her dad, but not if it’s going to be so unpleasant.

Also, he doesn’t pay anything to help with her up-bringing. I honestly don’t know what to do for the best.

Bella, by e-mail.

 

Dear Bella,

Of course, you know what to do. You recognise that you must put your small daughter’s needs before yours. But the resentment you now feel towards her dad is encouraging you to exact revenge by obstructing their relationship.

And that would be unforgivable.

Allowing your daughter to spend time with her father is more important than your temporary desire to punish him. You need to find a clear-cut way to express your hurt that doesn’t affect your child.

If you still love him and want him to know, by all means tell him. But get

your feelings off your chest once and for all and let your anger go. If you need

to ask him to help pay for his daughter’s upkeep, let him know.

But you need to make it clear that under no circumstances will you presume to limit his relationship with his child. Both of you need to sit down and sort out your differences once and for all.

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