How do you deal with a male virgin

Dear Bunmi,

My new boyfriend and I are both 24 and he claims to be a virgin. The least problem I thought he would have was premature ejaculation, but the opposite is the case. We both haven’t had full sex yet, but I have given him oral sex and he still hasn’t had an orgasm even though I’ve done it for 30 minutes or more.

Does this mean he’s lying about being a virgin? I’ve asked him why he doesn’t orgasm and he says it feels good but he panics when he feels himself losing control.

He sounds suspicious but I’ve quizzed his friends and he does appear to be telling the truth.

Motayo, by e-mail.

 

Dear Motayo,

Your poor boyfriend! Not only does he have to confess to being a late bloomer,

now he’s being accused of making it all up! Then, just in case all his friends didn’t

know, you quiz them about it. It’s any wonder he’s able to get an erection for oral sex let alone orgasm!

I don’t think your man is lying. So, if he’s a virgin, his experience with women

is probably limited. You’re assuming that even though he hasn’t had an orgasm with a partner through intercourse, he has by other means. This may not be true. As a result, he’s understandably nervous and anxiety is making him stop when he feels

himself going over the edge.

On the other hand, he may have developed an unusual or specific masturbation

technique that he uses all the time. He’s trained himself only to orgasm this way and may be too embarrassed to tell you what he needs.

You need to make him feel comfortable with you. Let him know you want to

explore sex with him, at his pace, with no pressure. In the meantime, stop calling the poor man a liar when he’s already struggling!

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