My mom is too protective

Aunty Julie,

I’m worried about my mom and her attitude to my relationships. No lady seems good enough for me and she keeps sending them away. I’m currently dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now.

Recently, my overly protective mother saw me and my girlfriend making out on the couch. And then she separated us and made my girlfriend leave!

My girlfriend later called and told me that if my mom is going to control our relationship, then we may as well just be friends. I told her that it was okay because my mom usually gets weird like that.

After my girl left, my mom got mad and told me that she wasn’t allowed near our house any more. I don’t know what to do! I really love my girlfriend and she really loves me, but my mom keeps getting between us and makes my girlfriend unsure if she still wants to date me! It is not the first time. What should I do about my overly protective mom? Would I be able to settle down in a married relationship because the way she is going, an angel has to come down from heaven to meet her standard for me. I am 25, a University graduate and I’m working but I live with my mom. I like that setting but she is encroaching too much into my affairs.

Bobby, Benin

Dear Bobby,

While you are living with your mom in her house, you need to stick to her rules I’m afraid! The best advice is to try to compromise with her show her that you are prepared to meet her half way. Maybe you could explain to your mom that you really love your girlfriend and you would really like to have her blessing for you to be together. You could put it to your mom that you invite your girlfriend around to lunch over a weekend. Maybe you could offer to cook so that your mom and girlfriend have a chance to get to know each other. Or, you could invite your mom and your girlfriend out for lunch somewhere on “neutral ground” so your girlfriend doesn’t feel intimidated by your mom.

Your mom won’t be able to stop you from seeing your girlfriend unless your girlfriend decides she has had enough but she will be able to make life hard for you both. Try to work it out the most diplomatic way you can. If this fails, you may just have to stick to mom’s rules in the house.

Maybe you could spend more time with your girlfriend and her family. Who knows—maybe if you do that, then your mom might miss you and decide to be a bit more hospitable to your girlfriend.

If you are being respectful of your mom’s house rules but encouraging open communication between your mom and your girlfriend, hopefully you will get the outcome you want.

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