Are you encouraging promiscuity?

DearBunmi,

I don’t agree with your advice on pre-marital love-making. It seems to me that a girl having five lovers or more before wed-lock, which you often suggest, is now the norm, is very risky. With such easy pickings, men must be laughing their heads off with lust – unless they catch a nasty disease along the way. The guilt left behind causes a lot of misery. If love-making is worth anything, it is worth waiting for.

Treating love-making as a commodity or doing so on a whim, devalues it. Without

love, love-making becomes as meaningless as scratching your bum. There is an alarming rise in AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases, STDs. There are also many thousands of unwanted children languishing in orphanages around the world. All this misery being caused by a few minutes of sweaty struggle is almost obscene, and I think your views are a bit reckless.

Natalie, by e-mail.

Dear Natalie,

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. The years of being free and

single stretch ever longer as youngsters delay entering committed relationships. Girls once got married soon after becoming fertile. Society now encourages them to become physically and emotionally more mature before agreeing to marry and bear children,

inevitably, most – if not all – teenagers, 20-somethings and 30-somethings experiment with love-making during this period. Most divorcees and many whose partners have died also seek love-making without marriage.

Sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted children spring from ignorance, recklessness and lack of choice. Condemning love-making between young people encourages furtive behaviour that spreads guilt, accidental pregnancies and infection.

I agree that love-making is beautiful and valuable. It should not be cheapened or

made shabby. A golden rule for all of us is never to do anything of which we feel

ashamed. I can’t agree that we need to make arbitrary judgements about which couples should or will enjoy love-making.

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