Let’s talk about sex and sexuality (1)

By Yetunde Arebi

The first time I heard the word fisting, it was during a discussion with a group of young adolescents. Not only was I embarrassed at my obvious ignorance of its existence, I was ashamed that I even dared to doubt the possibility of such an act. Indeed, I learnt a few things from that encounter and it did prompt me to do a research of my own to update my knowledge. Interestingly, I have discovered that there is an entirely new world out there yet to be discovered by many of us.

It is important that we try to update ourselves on some of these things for several reasons besides the embarrassment it might cost. Sexual slangs are linguistic terms or phrases which are considered colloquial rather than formal. They refer to sexual organs, processes and activities about sex and sexuality. Today, we are beginning a series of lessons to intimate ourselves with some of these words. Please beware that some of them may seem impolite and improper for some people. The intention is not to offend you. This is purely a resource material to keep you abreast of events around you. Cheers.

A person who is attracted to the opposite sex is called a  heterosexual, while one who is attracted to same sex partner is known as a  homosexual. A homosexual male is called a  gay  while the female is called a  lesbian. A person who is attracted to both male and female sex partners is known as a  bisexual. The tricky part of this is that it is not in all cases that things are as straight jacketed as they appear. A heterosexual may at some point, take part in any other type of sex acts while still claiming his or her original status. For instance, a heterosexual male or female who engages in child sexual abuse at that point becomes a  paedophile  regardless of the sex of the child. So, it might not be wrong to say that the type of sex act one engages in at a particular time best categorises what one is.

A  transgender  person is one with an identity or expression orientation that is different from the one assigned to them by nature or God at birth. By this, I mean, someone born as a girl but who has emotional, physical and/or psychological attributes of a boy. Also, there are some, whom perhaps due to a birth or genetic defect cannot be properly classified as male or female. Some call them  hermaphrodites, the third gender or agender. A transgender person may decide to opt for medical intervention in order to correct what they feel went wrong with them during their gestation period in the womb or in the course of their lives. When they do this, they becometranssexual. Medical surgery is now available to take care of this little challenge. Sometime, the surgical changes are complete, with a male wishing to become a female as the most dramatic. Hormonal drug are administered to change his body from male to female, i,e develop boobs and curves, while a surgery is performed to change his genitals from penis to vagina. Thus, a man who crosses into a woman is also known as a  heshe  and the female who becomes a male and  shehe.

Most of us are familiar with the word  chick  and that it describes a girl, also known as  babe. But many may not know that a young adolescent male homosexual is also called a  chicken  and a man who likes or prefers adolescent boys as sex partners is called a  chicken hawk.

A male homosexual is also called a  fag, faggot, fairy, cocksucker, fruit, sister, a masculine looking lesbian is also known as  a bull bitch, dyke, bull dyke,  while a    male homosexual who prefers to act the female is    called  Mary, Nelly or Nelie, Pansy, or Queen.

A woman who prefers the company of male homosexuals is called a  fruit fly or a fag hag,  while a heterosexual man who loves the company of homosexual women is called a  Sapho daddy.

A  Drag Queen  is a person, usually a man who loves to cross dress, that is, wear clothes of a female. It is often done with exaggerated pomp and air and most times for entertainment purposes by many artists, but drag is very much associated with gay men and gay culture.

Do you know that  Swinging, also known as the practice of  wife swapping  is a lifestyle of some people and there is a great community of people engaged in it? Urban Dictionary describes it as a non monogamous lifestyle where sexual relations occur outside the established couple. Alleged to have started among the USA Air Force bases during World War 11 and the Korean War by the rich Air Force guys, Swinging has grown into a national proportion and an identity of its own. Couples who engage in Swinging insists it is a sex culture and has little or nothing to do with emotional ties. Perhaps that is why it is practiced with the full knowledge and consent of the partners. Mind you, this has nothing to do with the type of sex they prefer. Those who swing are called  Swingers.

 

Still on mothers and Mothering Day celebration …….

It seems there is something about mothers and their role in the life of their children which is why this topic just doesn’t want to go away. Last Saturday, a male reader called me on the cell phone to discuss his mother. He said he was so moved by the story of the lady I had published that he decided to share his, a similar story to the lady’s. He said he would have contributed to the on-line discussion but changed his mind after reading some of the comments posted by some readers who for the fact that it did not happen to them believe it is easy to forgive such a mother. According to 42 year old Michael, he finds it difficult to think of his mother or treat her the same way most of his friends treat their mothers. He said though he accords her the respect she deserves and defers to her as his mother, that is where things stop as he is unable to feel any real affection for her.

According to him, he first met his    mother for the first time at the age of 15. It was at a burial of an uncle of hers who also was a grand uncle to him on his father’s side. Both his mother and father are from the same village in Ondo State and the families are interwoven in a way.

His older brother had introduced them. He said though he did not know what to do after the introduction but he felt that a woman who had not seen her child in 14 years ought to be happy and show him affection by embracing him or displaying some emotions. His mother simply greeted him, asked after his father and his siblings, who were also in the village for the same ceremony, then she disappeared. He did not see her again until three years later when his father died.    In his father’s will, he had specifically mentioned her name and warned that she should not be allowed to enter his house nor be given a kobo from his estate. His father had described his mother as a wayward, heartless greedy and selfish woman. He had despised her while alive and even in death. Of his three wives, only his mother’s name was mentioned in the will.

The story Mr. Michael heard from his father was that he had met his    mother the same month she left her husband, leaving her two children behind. His mother had left her first husband when he impregnated another woman. But she got pregnant for Michael’s father who already had two wives that same month and then moved in with him. His father said he did everything possible to ensure that she was accepted into the family and just when he thought all was well, she dumped his son of 15 months in his arms and returned to her first husband. Her excuse was that the man treated her better than Michael’s father.

Michael said it took some time for him to discover the truth about their meeting 14 years after. His mother had been able to shield his existence from her husband and his family for all that period. The man had finally died and she was free to live her new life. Unfortunately, she did not have it rosy with the man too as he left her    nothing.

Michael insists he is not fazed by what transpired between his mother and father, but he is baffled at how a woman can hop from one relationship into another in a spate of 16 months. Secondly, how a mother can walk out on a toddler of 15 months and would not seek him out even as they lived in the same city. What if something had happened to him and he’d died, would she be looking for him and asking him for things?

Michael disclosed that his relationship with her is only to fulfil religious obligations and not that of love or any affection. He insists also that Mothers’ Day celebration is not for such women.

May 14th presents another chance to celebrate our mothers, the givers and nurturers of life. If you have a reason why your mum should or should not be celebrated, why not share it with us. Like Michael, you can give me a call or use the email box to drop a few lines on how you feel. I promise to protect your identity if you wish. A mother who has lost her compass to good mothering may just be assisted in finding it after reading your story. I look forward to your responses. Thank you.

Do have a wonderful weekend?

The post Let’s talk about sex and sexuality (1) appeared first on Vanguard News.