My ex no longer wants to see our kids

DearBunmi,

My ex-husband and I divorced several years ago and are now both living with other partners. I’m happy and settled in my new life. It’s the situation with my two teenage children that upsets me. The problem is, their father has completely disowned them. They never see him. They get nothing from him over and above the fees he pays. He doesn’t even bother to send them a present on their birthdays.

Both children are devastated by his rejection. My daughter blames his new wife for the break up and my son has even asked for his surname to be changed.

It’s disgusting. How does my ex ever sleep at night knowing how horrid he’d been to his first born children?

Tina by e-mail.

 

Dear Tina,

Your ex probably doesn’t sleep at night! He knows he’s done wrong. He knows he should be guilty and he’ll always regret losing his children. Only, he’s not your problem – your children are. You need to let them know that even though their dad has left, you’ll always be there for them. Let them know you love them and always will.

As tricky as it may be, you need to help them work through their feelings about their father. Even though they swear they hate him, deep inside they will still care. However badly he’s behaved, he is their father and they want him in their life. Encourage them to talk about their positive memories of him, the happy times they’d shared together, even though doing this will stick in your throat!

Help them to understand that his disowning them isn’t their fault; that his walking away is a sign that he’s wrong, not that they are bad. Let them know that life goes on. What’s more, you are having a happy time with your new partner now and they’ll realize it’s possible to survive, even if someone you love walks out.

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