Scared my ex would make my nude pictures public

DearBunmi,

I had a bitter break-up with my boyfriend towards the end of last year.

We’d been very close, so close I encouraged him to take some explicit pictures and videos of me. Now I’m really worried that these pictures might be made public to spite me as I was the one who called off the relationship.

I have a good job with a reputable bank but if these pictures were made public, it would be bad news for my career. I’m not in close contact with my ex any more, though we have some mutual friends. So far, he’s never made any threats. Even so, I can’t stop worrying about it. What do you suggest I do?

Mariam, by e-mail.

 

Dear Mariam,

At the time you were both together, you probably didn’t think twice about all this. You trusted your boyfriend and you were happy to pose nude for him.

But as you now know things can turn sour. Since the break-up with your ex, you’re no longer sure if you can trust him, and you’ve come to regret your rash decision. You not only fear that the pictures will leak out, you feel grief that you ever loved him.

You’re right to worry about whether these photos will ever be made public.

But what’s the possibility that your ex might do the dirty?

You say he hasn’t made any threats which is a positive sign. Since he still talks to some of your friends, it means he still values their good opinion and knows he’d lose their respect if he betrayed you. Also, if someone wants to take revenge, they tend to do it immediately, when they’re feeling really bad about having broken up, and want to hurt the other person. It’s been months since the split, so it’s far less likely your ex will lash out this way.

But if the worst happened and he did, how much harm would it actually do? These images were taken by someone you loved, in the context of a committed relationship. If others see them, it would be embarrassing, but people are more likely to think: your ex is a rat, rather than think: badly of you. Having said all that, you need to get this sorted. So, contact your ex and explain your worries. Then ask him to delete the photos and videos and let you know when he’s done it. Better still, meet up and get him to delete them while you watch.

You may well find he has deleted every thing, anyway, in order to forget you. In which case problem solved!

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